


yellow tulips, red roses

by iwachans



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce, Flower Language, Growing Up, M/M, Rewrite, dork struggles with catching feelings, its 2am again yeehaw, mentions of cheating, mentions of drinking, non explicit/implied domestic abuse, struggling with divorce, tsukkis dad is an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 05:13:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15236103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwachans/pseuds/iwachans
Summary: A rework of one of my first fics, Yellow Tulips.





	yellow tulips, red roses

**Author's Note:**

> tbt one of my first tsukkiyama fics from when i was 13, i looked back on it and... yikes.
> 
> im a lot more proud of this rewrite, looking back i improved a lot in my storytelling but ive got a long way to go

Kei is thirteen when life hands him the bitter fact that love cannot last. 

 

As he grew up, the little details began to materialize and become obvious that his parents’ relationship was unravelling at the seams. 

  
  


He remembered how happy they had once been, his father affectionately calling his mother petnames and she rushed to greet him after work with a big, bright smile on her face.

 

He remembered on their anniversary when he and Akiteru pretended to gag as their parents slow danced in the living room to the same song they did at their school dance years past.

 

He remembered his mother’s birthday when his father surprised her with a home cooked meal and a bouquet of sunflowers and yellow tulips. The house was always full of them, and a little vase of two or three tulips sat on their kitchen windowsill, where his mother admired the little flowers while she did chores. 

 

She always remarked that they were her favorites, because of their meaning, and she simply loved the color. Kei never really understood what their meaning was but loved them all the same. Their life was peaceful and happy, they were the picture perfect family to the outside world. 

 

Eventually, though, Kei began to notice the little cracks and imperfections in the picture. One day his father came home from work and his mother reluctantly started coming to greet him less and less, until she didn’t at all and only called out a quick “welcome home” without looking up from her magazine. His father stopped calling her honey or sweetheart and instead referred to her as her first name or sometimes even as “woman”. 

 

The tension grew within the household, genuine smiles twisted into fake, surface level forced ones. Kei was no idiot; even as a nine year old kid, he could tell something was wrong. Akiteru always insisted on treating him to a shortcake when things were a little too tense, something that became all too frequent. It was a daily routine to visit the shop immediately after school at one point, and Kei noticed how when they got home his parents were never seen together.  

 

It was when he was almost ten that things started to finally click. His parents’ feelings were no longer real, but instead was an act for all too long. They only kept trying for him and his brother. Despite what his parents’ opinions of eachother, they mutually agreed on one thing: ‘we can’t possibly do this to our children.’

 

Kei still held onto that hope that his family would get better. He blew out the candles on his birthday cake that year and refused to tell anyone his wish. 

Maybe if it worked, he would have his family back. 

 

He learned the hard way that it didn’t. 

 

The boy woke up that same night to a crash in the kitchen and overlapping shouts. 

His heart raced as he crept out of bed and left his room. He peeked into the kitchen from the hall, and saw the shattered fragments of the little vase, the tulips shriveled and dead from a lack of water. 

 

His mother was screaming, and Kei could see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she cradled her red cheek.

He struck her.  

 

“Get out!” She shrieked. “Get out, GET OUT! I HATE YOU!” 

 

Kei was frightened out of his mind, and hastily returned to his room. He spent the remainder of of his birthday that night sobbing and clutching his pillow to his ears to block out the slamming of the door and his mother's anguished sobs.

He finally drifted to sleep with the image of the dead yellow tulips on the floor, surrounded by glass. 

 

After that night, he noticed his mother pick up drinks more often than usual, and saw his father even less. There was never another dance in the living room or a surprise bouquet.

 

* * *

 

It becomes official three weeks before Kei’s thirteenth birthday. He remembers the fight clear as day. His father was caught with another woman and his mother had enough. Kei panicked, he fled to Tadashi’s house across the neighborhood and stayed there wrapped in a blanket with his best friend, trying to hide his tears in his hands until Akiteru and his mother picked him up.

 

Akiteru watched him while their parents settled their score in court until it was their turn to testify. He was out of school for the day, and Tadashi wished him luck over the phone before they left. Both of them chose to stay with their mother.

 

They both watched as their father pulled the final documents out of the little yellow packet and signed them, the house filled with boxes labelled with his name. Their father said nothing, only put every last fragment of their once happy home in the truck and left.

 

He tried so hard not to cry that day, but failed. He clutched Akiteru’s sweater as he watched the moving truck drive away with a piece of his family.

 

After that, the house wasn’t whole. His mother dropped her drinking habits cold turkey, and she looked more lively than before the divorce was settled, but she still got that faraway look in her eyes when she passed the hall that had the wedding photos she couldn’t bear to take down, the same hall where Kei witnessed the fight. 

 

They got a new vase that sat on the windowsill, but the tulips were replaced with peonies, because his mother thought the tulips weren’t as nice. Eventually the peonies died too, but Kei never reminded her to throw them out. 

 

Kei was fifteen when he cut off all ties with his father. After the divorce, his relationship had already nearly dissolved. Sure, he received a card in the mail every now and then or a quick text, but he hadn’t really spoken to him since. His father had a new girl three months after the divorce and a new kid to take care of and a new life to live, he had no time for him. Kei was fine with it in the end, forgetting his father. 

 

He spent every weekend in freshman year hanging out with Tadashi or his mom, treating her to little surprises and sleeping over with his best friend 24/7. For a while, he forgot about the past. He was happy.

* * *

 

Kei was sixteen when he starts to recognize his feelings for Tadashi, and he loathed and was terrified of the feeling. 

It wasn’t big at first, just a fleeting thought of something more or something Tadashi did that he thought was cute. He tried smothering the thought, but by the beginning of sophomore year the feelings only escalated. It was no big deal, he told himself, it was just a tiny infatuation. 

 

So he spent most of his high school career happily single and disinterested in every confession he received. He made disgusted faces at glittery pink love letters and sickeningly sweet chocolates and stepped on the hearts of the lovestruck girls with no remorse. 

 

It’s their fault, he chided. Didn’t they learn after being turned down in their first year?

 

Being in love left you vulnerable, he thought. Still, he can’t hide his heart when it skips a beat after he gives Tadashi the chocolates. The way Tadashi beams at him with a smear of chocolate on his face sent Kei’s mind into a spiral and his knees weak. 

 

Love isn’t something that lasts, Kei reminded himself. But despite his insistence, he couldn’t hide from his own heart. 

 

By the time they’re third years, he realizes exactly how badly he needed Tadashi. He was confused and frustrated; every touch sent shockwaves through his body and causes Kei to melt, every smile knocked the wind out of him. His self control begins to wane and Kei catches himself staring more at the constellation of freckles on his best friend’s face while he talks. 

 

The memories flood back when he tries processing his emotions. This was how you got hurt! Look at mom!

 

And so, Kei does the only thing he can do. 

 

He avoids Tadashi like the plague. He skips practice more often, leaves immediately after club instead of waiting for Tadashi like usual, takes a different route home, ignores his texts and starts making excuses for why he can’t hang out. If he got his distance, his feelings would fade, right?

 

Wrong. 

 

His mother notices that Kei shut himself in more often. She doesn’t ask, but her knowing concern is enough. His fellow third year teammates give him stern looks during club, but for whatever reason, say nothing. He notices that Tadashi seems more miserable during practice. 

 

Kei fell in love with Tadashi and he hates himself for what he did to him. 

 

The boy is standing on Kei’s front porch at 6 o’clock sharp Monday morning and gives him a heart attack. He puts on a brave facade, but he’s still picking at his fingernails. The same old tic, same old Tadashi. 

“Tsukishima.”

The lack of nickname stings.

 

“I know you’re a stoic person, but this isn’t cool. I need to know this,” Tadashi said. His upper lip quivered as he spoke.

 

His eyes were burning with an angry flame, but they were glossed over as if he was going to burst into tears. The dark circles under his eyes stick out in contrast to Tadashi’s freckles. 

 

“I-if you don’t want to be around me anymore, that’s fine, just. . . just tell me, okay? I-i want to know from you.” 

Kei doesn’t answer, fighting back his heart crawling up his throat and notices a patch of pale yellow in his mother’s garden.

 

“Tsukishima.” Tadashi said again. “Tsukki. Look at me.”

 

Silence. Kei starts his commute. 

 

“WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME, KEI?!” Tadashi shouts.

 

He spins around and his heart breaks. Tadashi’s head is bowed and he’s hiding his face in his hands to not show his tears. 

 

Time slows down around him, and the little tidbits of his life flood his brain. He sees the heartbreak, sadness, and grief surrounding him, he sees the broken glass vase.

 

But he also sees Tadashi: warm, kind Tadashi, the boy who was there for him when no one else was. The boy who walked alongside him as a friend and equal as they struggled through life together. He sees the person he cares for most. 

 

The yellow tulips are suddenly brighter. Everything finally clicks.

 

In three long strides, Kei is back on his porch, and he brushed away Tadashi’s tears before wrapping his arms around his best friend.

 

“I-I’m sorry.” Kei’s voice wavers.

 

They stand in the morning light and cry, surrounded by eachother. 

 

* * *

 

Kei is twenty five when he looks back and proves to his past self that he was wrong. He wakes up on a summer Sunday morning on their couch. Kei has his arms around Tadashi, and their pomeranian Flan is curled up in Tadashi’s arms. The light streaming in through the curtains illuminates Tadashi’s face and the matching golden bands glinting on their fingers. Kei’s eyes focus on the large vase on their kitchen table, overflowing with a bouquet of red roses and yellow tulips. His lips curl upward in a soft, genuine smile.

 

Maybe, just maybe, love could last after all.  

**Author's Note:**

> tysm for reading, hopefully the formatting is easier to read than the original o o f


End file.
